Leah Malekano | July 10, 2023
News Brief
Martha and Yohane James have been married for four years, but for the past three years conflict has characterized their marriage. Mrs. James works outside of the home as a maid, routinely staying at work for five days in a row without coming home. Her husband feels it’s unfair for her to not come home, while she feels it’s unfair she doesn’t know how much he earns as a builder. This blame game and lack of communication has led to separation. Barbra Banda is the chairperson of the NGO Gender Coordination Network in Malawi. She says that most divorces in Malawi are due to lack of communication. She explains, “The couples must enhance communication in their homes. They should be open to each other on different issues, including financial matters.”
It’s four o’clock on a Monday morning. Martha James has cut short her sleep, and quickly performs chores for her home. Within minutes, she hits the road to the workplace where she works as a maid. She routinely stays at work for five days without coming home.
Mrs. James lives in the populous Area 23 Township in Lilongwe, the capital city of Malawi. She is married and has an 11-year-old child. She says, “I have been working for three years, but the job I have has left my family on the rocks.”
She adds that her husband is bitter about her spending so many days at work. “But at the same time, I have a job to keep. I can’t stop working because I have no other source of income.”
Yohane James has been married to his wife for four years. He blames her for the lack of peace in their family. He says, “As a man, I find it unfair for my wife to spend days out without coming home. I think she fails to understand my concerns because she does what pleases her.”
Mrs. James thinks that her husband is the root cause of misunderstandings in her family because he hides critical information. She explains, “For instance, I have no idea how much my husband earns as a builder. I … feel I must know as his wife.”
Mrs. James says that she suspects that her husband cheats on her. She explains, “Sometime back, he slept outside but I didn’t ask him. When he returned home, I asked him to go back to where he spent the night.”
Mrs. James says that she took revenge on her husband a week later. She left work and went to her friend’s place. When his husband called her to enquire of her whereabouts, she told him to find out on his own.
She explains, “I told him it should not pain him this time because I went to sleep outside. Honestly, I didn’t do anything wrong but I simply wanted to give him a lesson.”
This blame game has haunted the family for the past three years. It’s a marriage hanging on a thread due to poor communication. The couple has no time to discuss and resolve issues.
Mr. James agrees that lack of communication has worsened things in his family. He says, “Each does what pleases him or her. This breeds relentless fights. We are technically separated.”
Mrs. James explains: “I have been engaging my husband’s relatives on our family disagreements, but things are not changing. My husband continues to leave our child at home without food, yet I know that he makes money. If things don’t change, I am contemplating to leave the house with my child to find another house.”
Mabvuto Phiri is the spokesperson for the Kawale Police Station in Lilongwe. He says the predicament that Mr. and Mrs. James are in is not exceptional at all. He adds that similar cases are reported every week to their Victim Support Unit, a specialized section that handles gender-based violence, and keeps all information about its cases confidential.
Gender-based violence can include more than just physical abuse. Mr. Phiri explains: “The cases we handle include the following: men not leaving money for food, couples failing to communicate their late coming home, and spouses locking each other out of the house.”
He adds: “When we receive these cases, we invite the couples and give them opportunity to be heard. At this stage, we identify the areas of conflicts and weaknesses. Later, we iron out their differences and provide guidance.”
According to Mr. Phiri, between January and March this year, the police station recorded at least 201 cases relating to physical, emotional, and sexual abuse rooted in lack of proper communication in marriages.
Barbra Banda is the chairperson of the NGO Gender Coordination Network in Malawi. She says that most divorces in Malawi are due to lack of communication. She explains, “The couples must enhance communication in their homes. They should be open to each other on different issues, including financial matters.”
She adds, “We counsel and encourage couples, especially women, on how to enhance communication in marriages.”
Interventions by police and NGO Gender Coordination Network can probably help to reunite the James family. But their problems continue because of lack of counselling.
This resource is undertaken with the financial support of the Government of Canada provided through Global Affairs Canada as part of the The Innovations in Health, Rights and Development, or iHEARD, project. The project is led by a consortium of: CODE, Farm Radio International, and MSI Reproductive Choices and implemented in Malawi by FAWEMA, Farm Radio Trust, Women and Children First UK and Maikhanda Trust, Girl Effect/ZATHU, Viamo and Banja La Mtsogolo.
Photo: Stock image from Farm Radio International